Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
