i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
