After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
