you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
