areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
