I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
