I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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