The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
