i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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