she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
