Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
