Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
