I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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