Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
