dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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