to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
