So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
