We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're breaking my sexual little heart
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
