You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
