I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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