Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
