I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my being single is dangerous.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
