I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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