Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
