Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
