His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
