i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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