I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
