Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
