Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
