i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
