we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
