we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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