WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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