you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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