Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
