I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
