he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
