Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
