My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
