just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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