Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
