I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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