we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's Friday. Sex?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
