I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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