She is in my trunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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