He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
there is puke in my bra ... again
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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