This house was built for laser tag.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
