i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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