Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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