I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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