; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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