What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
