I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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