This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
