Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
