i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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