3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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